Ever felt guilty for having a bad day because someone reminded you to “look on the bright side”? Or caught yourself saying “at least…” when a friend opened up about something painful?
Welcome to the world of toxic positivity, where good vibes become a rule, not a choice, and uncomfortable emotions get pushed aside in favor of forced smiles. While optimism and gratitude are powerful tools, pretending everything’s fine all the time isn’t strength; it’s avoidance.
Suppressing negative thoughts and feelings can cause shame, increase stress, and negatively impact your mental health. Let’s talk about what toxic positivity looks like, why it’s harmful, and how emotional validation in therapy makes space for the full human experience—messy feelings and all.
You don’t have to smile through the pain—let’s talk about what’s really going on. Reach out to us today.
What Is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the belief that we should only focus on the positive or maintain a positive mindset or positive outlook and avoid negative emotions—even when they’re real, valid, and important.
Here are some common examples of toxic positivity:
- “At least it’s not worse.”
- “Just be grateful.”
- “Don’t be so negative.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “Good vibes only.” (This phrase is often used to promote positive vibes, but can be harmful when it dismisses real feelings.)
These phrases are often well-intentioned. But they can shut people down instead of helping them open up. They suggest that some emotions are acceptable, and others need to be hidden.
Why It Feels So Familiar
We live in a culture obsessed with resilience, productivity, and Instagram-worthy happiness. Social media often glamorizes emotional bounce-backs and promotes the idea that if you’re not feeling positive, you’re doing something wrong.
This pressure can distort your sense of reality, making you question your own valid feelings. Over time, constantly avoiding uncomfortable emotions may interfere with your ability to process them in a healthy way.
How Toxic Positivity Shows Up in Everyday Life
It’s not just what we say to others—it’s also how we treat ourselves. Signs of toxic positivity include:
- Downplaying your own struggles (“Other people have it worse”)
- Feeling guilty for feeling sad or anxious
- Forcing yourself to be cheerful when you’re burnt out or grieving
- Avoiding hard conversations to “keep the peace”
- Relying on mantras instead of sitting with your emotions
- Telling yourself to ignore negative thoughts or difficult emotions
- A family member dismissing your painful emotions or secondary emotions, making you feel even more stressed or invalidated
- Hearing advice to stay positive, stay upbeat, or keep staying positive, especially during real hardships like job loss or losing loved ones (lives), which can make you feel more stressed and alone
Suppressing natural emotions and human emotions is not a normal response to difficult situations—negative experiences and feelings are a valid part of life.
When you never give yourself permission to feel, your inner world becomes a performance—and healing takes a backseat. Avoiding or suppressing these feelings can increase stress and make it harder to process painful emotions.
Emotional Validation in Therapy
In sessions, there are no “bad” emotions. A therapist doesn’t expect you to be positive or productive—they expect you to be human.
Here’s what emotional validation in therapy looks like:
- Giving space for anger, grief, fear, or sadness—without judgment
- Allowing and acknowledging a person’s emotions, and encouraging clients to bring their whole selves into the therapy room
- Helping clients recognize and validate their own feelings, especially when facing a difficult emotion
- Naming feelings and understanding where they come from
- Exploring how emotional suppression may be linked to anxiety, burnout, or disconnection
- Learning how to regulate emotions without dismissing them
In other words, therapy helps you build a relationship with your emotions—not just mask them.
Why We Need More Than Mantras
Gratitude journals, affirmations, and positivity practices all have a place. Positive thinking, positive thoughts, and maintaining a positive attitude can be helpful for mental well-being, but they can become toxic when used to avoid real feelings or challenges. But they’re most effective when they’re paired with honesty.
You can be grateful and grieving. Hopeful and hurt. You don’t have to pick a single “correct” emotion to live by. Trying to put a positive spin on every situation or act like a positive person no matter what can actually prevent authentic emotional processing and lead to emotional suppression.
In fact, when we acknowledge our full range of emotions, we move through them more effectively. Suppressed emotions linger. Validated emotions shift.
You Don’t Have to Be Okay All the Time
Healing isn’t linear. And it definitely doesn’t require you to smile through everything.
You’re allowed to feel all of it—the joy, the grief, the doubt, the fear. That’s not weakness. That’s being fully alive.
If you’re tired of pretending you’re fine, therapy offers a space where you don’t have to be. It’s where your real emotions are welcome. And where healing doesn’t require a silver lining—it just starts with the truth.
If you’re ready to take off the mask and feel what’s actually going on underneath, Core Therapy is here to help. Real healing starts with real feelings. Get in touch today.