How Do I “Process My Emotions” When I Barely Know What I’m Feeling?

Processing emotions means slowing down, naming what’s going on, and giving your feelings space—without judgment. If that feels impossible, therapy can help you build self-awareness and learn what’s really driving your reactions.

Some days, emotions hit like a wave—and not the calm, peaceful kind. Whether it’s snapping at your partner, shutting down during conflict, or replaying awkward moments on loop, it’s easy to feel hijacked by your own reactions. Emotional regulation is the skill that helps you find your footing again. And the good news? It’s something you can learn.

Start learning emotion regulation tools that help you respond, rather than react, with Core Therapy today.

The Rundown

• Emotional regulation is a learned skill, not an instinct.
• Difficulty naming emotions is common and tied to brain development, trauma, or chronic stress.
• Therapy teaches practical emotion regulation strategies like cognitive reappraisal, mindfulness, and distress tolerance.
• Poor emotional regulation is linked to anxiety disorders, depression, and mood instability.
• Getting support can improve relationships, resilience, and overall well-being.

What Makes Naming Emotions So Hard?

You’re not the only one who freezes when someone asks, “How are you really feeling?” Many of us struggle with emotional awareness due to factors like childhood experiences, poor modeling of emotional expression, chronic stress, or simply not having the language to describe what’s going on inside. This is especially common in individuals navigating anxiety disorders, mood disorders, or ADHD—all of which can affect emotional regulation and awareness.

Feeling unsure where to begin? Your body is a good place to start. Physical cues like a racing heart or clenched jaw are more than discomfort — they’re signals. As Damian Robledo, MSW, LCSW – Founder & CEO, Core Therapy, says:

“Start with your body — tight chest, heavy stomach, shallow breathing. That’s data. We don’t need perfect labels. Sometimes processing just means noticing and staying with it.“

The emotion generation process starts automatically in the brain, but without emotion regulation skills, we often react impulsively or shut down completely. If your go-to moves are snapping, ghosting, spiraling, or stuffing everything down—you’re not broken. You’re dysregulated. And you’re not alone.

So, What Is Emotion Regulation?

Emotion regulation is your brain’s way of modulating how you experience and respond to emotions. According to the process model of emotion regulation, there are five families of strategies:

1. Situation Selection: Choosing environments that influence your emotions.
2. Situation Modification: Changing something in the moment (e.g., walking away from a tense conversation).
3. Attentional Deployment: Redirecting your focus (hello, mindfulness).
4. Cognitive Change: Reframing your thoughts (a.k.a. cognitive reappraisal).
5. Response Modulation: Regulating your physical or behavioral response (e.g., deep breathing instead of yelling).

Dysregulation happens when these tools are underdeveloped or inaccessible in the moment. This might show up as emotional reactivity, mood swings, or getting overwhelmed by even small triggers.

How Therapy Helps You Build Emotional Regulation Skills

In therapy, you’ll work on identifying your emotional triggers, learning self-reflection, and practicing emotion regulation and flexibility, the ability to adapt how you respond based on the situation. Whether it’s learning to regulate emotions before reacting or to down-regulate after an emotional flood, therapy meets you where you are.

Some of the most effective therapeutic approaches for emotional regulation include:

• Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Teaches distress tolerance and mindfulness, often used for borderline personality disorder or chronic emotional overwhelm.
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps identify unhelpful thought patterns and swap them with balanced, reality-based thinking.
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Builds psychological flexibility and helps you take action based on values—even when emotions are strong.

Signs You Might Be Struggling With Emotion Regulation

• You can’t stop thinking about what went wrong—even days later.
• You flip between numbness and overwhelm.
• You either suppress everything or explode (sometimes both).
• You feel emotionally “too much” or “not enough” all the time.
• You find yourself exhausted from reacting to everything.

Emotional dysregulation isn’t a flaw—it’s a sign your brain is doing its best without the right tools. Therapy can help improve emotional intelligence and emotional resilience, making it easier to navigate tough conversations, cope with setbacks, and build healthy relationships.

A Few Grounding Techniques That Work

• The STOP Skill: Stop. Take a breath. Observe. Proceed mindfully.
• Name It to Tame It: Label your emotion out loud or in writing.
• Reframe the Narrative: Ask, “Is there another way to look at this?”
• Sensory Reset: Try holding ice, taking a cold shower, or using grounding scents.
• Scheduled Emotional Check-ins: Ask yourself “What’s happening in my body right now?” a few times a day.

These tools can help shift your brain from reacting to responding—and that shift makes all the difference.

Ready to Feel More in Control?

Emotional regulation isn’t about being calm all the time—it’s about knowing what to do when emotions feel too big. Therapy helps you gain the tools, language, and awareness to handle whatever shows up.

Let’s work together to build the emotional flexibility and calm you’ve been craving.